Why Andi Dorfman Is A Boss Bitch

Bach Star Andi Has Reportedly "Disappeared" From Le ATL Annnd, Taken A Leave Of Absence From Work...Is She The New Bachelorette? Bachelor Tell All Tonighht! Who's Excited?!!  #BachMadness #TeamAndi

I'm glad she and we, are over her ombre... it was like to aggress.



Andi Dorfman is a Bachelor saint. Freakin Bachelor Boss Bitch. Why? Because she took everything that is wrong with the unrealistic, fantasized television show, and place a huge ass spot light on it...aka liiiterally shit ALL OVER Juan Pablo's "ees okay" parade in the recent fantasy suite episode of da Bach. 

Now just a quick lil Bachelor recap. I'm sure everyone knows by now that the final three were Nikki, Clare, and Andi. Sure, whatever. So just like a few things about each of these HILAR dates...

Clare.

AHH!! Does anyone REMEMBER that Clare was the girl who came out of the limo w/ the fake pregnantcy bump?!! Like we should've called CRAZY then...

First of all, Clare would be the worst step-mom. Like she's scary. She would be the wicked step-mom. But, Juan is obsessed with her, like he literally and openly admits that he can't wait to have sex with her. Likee "I can't wait to get to know Clare better..." HA. And as Andi would later describe that - BULL SHIT. And like, I have no idea what the hell her and JP were beating around the bush with each other about before taking the damn fantasy room key. Like we ALL know you wanna screw each other. So SUI. ALSO the big question on my mind the whole time was: did Clare get lip injections? Or does she just like to pout and purse her lips together every second because she thinks she looks sexy?? I don't get it. Then they like eat each other's faces in the hot tub, then obv get it on. Ew. Fantasy light switch off. BYE. 

Niki. 

Fun Fact: Niki is actually a model. "Model." I think that whole nurse thang is paying for da bills...

Okay, I don't even know where to begin. I guess, first off, I Niki's outfit sui. Like it's so miz. Now, it's not a bad outfit totally, it's just a bit aggressive for horse back riding AND it would look 10X better on Andi, just saying. OH, and I hate her tat. Juan is obviously sexually deprived b4 all of these fantasy suite dates cause he's like openly horny. He basically tells Niki that he would almost prefer it if Niki was wearing a THONG while horse back riding. Like is that his fantasy? Finally, fantasy suit timeee! Juan says that he his excited for Niki to learn all about the real him, which like, according to Andi - sucksss. 

Andi. 

BYE. 

She's just awesome. Like she's a southern jap lawyer, who has a thing for black leather pants, so I dig it. I guess the miz thing about this was, JP really liked Andi. You could tell. Plus, he raves about their time in the suite. He talks about how they had this grand ole time and how they laughed all night. SO much emphasis on how much they laughed. Like was Andi just fake laughing? Probs laughing about how she was so gonna break up with him in the morning and he had NO idea what was coming. I mean, yeah. I guess that's pretty funny. HAHAHA. Andi does like a complete 180 doe from how she was feeling under dat waterfall to post fantasy suite. But, I guess her family was happy, I mean her dad was def happy she dodged a bullet - and even better, she figured it out herself! So, basically after JP tells Andi that she barley made it to St. Lucia likee OH HELL NO, Andi lets it all out. She calls him out for being a cocky-Clare-loving-non-english-speaking-doesn't-know-anything-about-her-or-her-political-views-asshole. And what does he have to say? "Eess Okay." OBV. And after that, Andi said SEE YA, making Bach Historie. Fabulous. 

Shitting on Juan Pablo and his douche bag tendencies was probably the best thing that could have ever happened to Andi because nowww there is talk of her being the new Bachelorette. GASP right? But will she do it?!! People are saying Andi is too much of a hard ass...cause she's a lawyer. I mean OH okaaay. I get it. Lawyer's are intimidating especially female ones cause guys automatically realize you're not fucking around- aka JP. I'm pretty sure he said, and I quote: "Andi...I didn't hhhwannaa to fight with Andi. She's a lawyer." AND "I really liked Andi, but once she started da argue - that was it." REALLY?! To quote Huffington Post and their article about Andi leaving the Bachelor: " That night...we were all Andi." Cause I mean Juan was just a typical asshole guy who didn't care about anything but himself and having sex with everyone aand obv Andi is the only person to point it out and walk away from it.



LOL. 


According to TMZ.com, Andi has secretly, but not so secretly taken a leave of absence from her recent court case in the ATL. SO does that mean she has disappeared to possibly become the Bachelorette?? Hmm. I mean, I would. I'd only go on the Bach to almost make it, get voted off, gain enough fans to become the new Bachelorette, have it work out, but not really, and then somehow end up hosting E! News...(I am in NO way referring to YOU - ALI FEDOTOSKY). 

For the Full TMZ Article CLICK HERE. 

Like Juan MUST be an asshole and kinda shady since he is now left with Clare and Nikki who were essentially the mean girls of the bunch, which must mean he's just incredibly shallow and has no concept of what it means to have a good personality...cause his sucks. Again, to quote Andi: "It's NOT okay..." 

Wow, I can't wait for the women tell all doe. I mean, it's normally super miz and people being still in love and miz about missing their legit 15 minutes of fame, but this one is gonna be gold. We're talking heated drama aka girls complaining about how much of a douche JP is...I'm pretty sure I heard: "He's just not who you think he would be..." in da promo. UH OHHH. 

Honestly, I was team Andi and Sharleen from day one. Why? Cause they were both classy as fuck, and stable aka had real jobs...none of this "Free Spirit" (like WTF?!) or "Hair Stylist" shit...oops sorry Clare. And they're both gorg and likee even though Sharleen cried a lot, miz, she's like the most elegant person ever and cultured, which is amazing. AND apparently Sharleen, Andi, and Kelly (dog lover...), who is also from Atlanta, are all fraaaaaandzz in real life, or I guess still friends since da show wrapped. Check out this awesome pics!

 
 Bach Besties.

Love all of them. So amaze. Follow these bitches if you're just as obsessed with off camera Bachelor antics as I am....Bachelor Tell All count down begins now.

Follow: 
@sharleenjoynt
@andi_dorfman
@kelltravisty

I mean I do...

The 2014 Oscar Best Dressed.

From Lupita to Cate, To The Other Kate, To J.Law, To Angie, To Charlize...To Matthew and Camila, Here Are Wonderfully Talented And Gorgeous Best Dressed a la Oscar Red Carpet !

                                                       God, I love ALL of these people. 


Wowowow. What and an amazing night in Hollywood! Ugh, the 2014 Oscar Award show was incredible. Like, best Oscar show, hands down, in a long ass time. Why was it SO amazze? Well,  1) Because of Ellen. I mean she was HILAR...the pizza?! THE SELFIEE ?! EPIC. I can't.  2) Literally every single person and thing I predicted WON (yay, self-proclaimed film critic status)...except, Best Score...but like who cares about music anyways? (Still SO should have been Saving Mr. Banks...).  3) Lupita, Matthew, Cate, and Jared all predicted winners ALL won. And LIT all these people deserved every moment of glory they received...their performances were heart felt, emotionally jerking, and stuck with you all Award season long.  4) ALL the musical performances were amazing, but shout out to Indina for Frozen! (Even though John Travolta BUTCHERED her name...I don't even know what WHAT he said...).  5) The men and women brought it to the red carpet. Aka loved the white tuxes, and the female trends - a lot of cream, nudes, creamy pastels, tons of embellishments, while there were also some navys, reds, and the traditional black.


 LITT.

 

BIG WINNAS 

1. Gravity - lit everything, except the only one people cared about was Best Director. 

2. Dallas Buyers Club - I mean two gold's for Best Actor and Best Supporting is all you need. 

 

                                On Instagram Straight Flexinn (wit Oscars doe in White Tuxes)


3. 12 Years - Best Picture and Best Adapted Screen Play AND obv...Lupita. Director Steve McQueen didn't win the big director's award, but made history being the first black director to win for best picture so you get 'em Steve. 

CONGRATS to all da winnas! Now Le Oscar Red Carpet At It's Finest...

 

 Lolzz. Oh Jen, You Kill Us. 

Starting with Golden Da Winners ---

 

 

Cate Blancett

 

Cream colored nude gowns were a HUGE trend on last night's red carpet, but obviously Cate was not only the clear winner for the award, but for best dressed as well. She looks so effortlessly stunning and always regal in this nude, embellished, perfect Armani gown. Love, love, love. Her earrings were also BEAUTS - a fun twist on the dress' sequins.

Luptia N'yong'o

I mean, ya'll already know how I feel about this. When Lu stepped out of the car, I saw the tip of her head with the head band and I was already excited. Lupita WOWed in this whimsical, princess Prada gown. Everything from the head band accessory, to the deep V, to the light embellishments daintily flowing towards the train of the gown, IS perfect. She looks like a "Nairobi Blue" Goddess and her Oscar was the perfect accessory. You go, girl.

Les Presenters ---

 

 

Kate Hudson

Well, she wasn't nominated for anything obviously, she was one of the presenters, but girl stole the show in this stunning, old Hollywood inspired Versace gown. I mean its literally beautiful. She looks elegantly sexy, which is hard to do. I love everything about this dress, so much...

Jessica Biel

Okay, so I normally have beef with J. Biel (aka like whyyy are you dating my husband?!), but I have to say, she looks really amazing in this blush, sequined, Chanel gown. I love the simplicity of the gown with her hair and makeup, however I was not about all the jewelry. Sequin dresses speak for themselves okay? (This I know from a ton of experience).  Like you don't need a necklace and earrings, and some bangles. That was the only styling faux pas, but other than that, beautiful dress.

Giuliana. 

So, Giuliana wasn't a presenter actually, but she was a fab red carpet host as usual. Continuing the nude trend, G looked so beautiful in this dress made by designer Adelaide label Paolo Sebastian...I've never heard of him either, but we're about to hear a lot because this dress was nothing short of fabulous. Just, so beautiful. Ugh, classic princess dress and would make a gorgeous wedding dress not to mention. I may keep this image around -- thanks G.

 

 

 

The Vets ---

 

 

Angie. 

Angelia looks nothing but tres Jolie is this glimmering, long-sleeved, embellished Ellie Saab gown. So beautiful. Angie was there for her hot, producer husband Brad, obv, who ended up taking home the Best Picture Oscar for 12 Years. UGH Angie and Brad love each other SO much, I love it.

J.Law

 

Powerful, powerful red. Though, she may have tripped and fell yet again, which made for a perfect comedic segment for Ellen (LOL), she looked SO radiant in this beaming red OBVV Dior gown. It's so elegant and her new hair cut swag adds just the amount of edge to the classic style of the gown. My favorite thing, which she also did last year, is of course, the swoop back diamond necklace. I love how it hangs down in the back, very 1920's. You may not have won the award, but you killed the carpet J. 

Naomi Watts

Naomi is always one of my favorite's on the red carpet. Last year she blew me away with her avant-garde, silver sequined Armani Prive gown, and this year she goes with sequins again, but in a soft white. I love the combination of this dreamy, Calvin Klein Collection gown with the edgy, convex shaped diamond necklace. It looks brilliant. Such a stunna.

Sandra Bullock. #Sandy

Sandy looks so amazing in this deep, navy Alexander McQueen gown. She looks beautifully old Hollywood with her side swept hair and bling earrings and bangle. Though, she lost to fellow fab actress Cate B, Sandy's movie won a ton and hey, she looks a winner to me. A vision in blue.

 Charlize Theron

 

Talk about making a statement. The former Oscar winner, who won in 2004 for her role in Monster, appeared on the red carpet looking ready for business. Like, this black Dior gown is BAD (bad as in a good thing...). From the heart-shaped, low cut neck, to the elegant sheer, black train, to the most incredible WOW factor of all -- her 32 carat diamond necklace. Yup, I know. Like what is this? The Titanic??! Kate Winslet called, she and Leo want their heart of the ocean back. But in this red carpet case, you can keep it.

 

 

 

Best Dressed Crew ---

Mathew's crew. 

Matthew had his best accessories on his side, not only was his tux suit killing it, his mother and wife Camila, also looked so fab. Matt was wearing his classic Dolce and Gabbana, while Camila looked so elegant in a pale, pink gown by designer Gabriela Cadena, and I'm pretty sure momma Matthew is wearing Micheal Kors.

 

 

 

Best Dressed Couples ---

 

 

Will and Jada 

 

Blush pink again, this Versace gown looks fab on Jada, but husband Will doesn't look bad either looking fly in a vintage inspired tux number. 

 

 

Oliva Wilde and Jason Sudeikis 

Don't they always look great?! YUP. They're my fav couple right now. Olivia also looks perfect in this collared, Valentino gown. Like, she wins the award for best-dressed with a baby bump for the past few months. Hands down.

 

 

Matthew McConaughey And Camila Alves

 I mean...yeah.

 

 

Brad and Ang.

It's likeee serious "whatchaya know 'bout me?" faces happening here. Too good. So elegant together. Hollywood queen and king. 

 

Channing and Jenna -Dewan Tatum

Killing it since 2006. Step UP Y'all.