2 Bachelorettes And A Box Of Roses: The Bachelorette Premiere RECAP

2 Bachelorettes And A Box Of Roses: The Bachelorette Premiere RECAP (Why This 2 Bachelorette Thing is MIZ) 

 

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2 Bachelorettes: Britt vs. Kaitlyn 

 

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Two Limos drive side by side (yes, I am assume they planned that), carrying two Bachelorettes to the infamous Bachelor house. Who will the lucky lady be? Well, for this season, we knew how things were gonna go. One Bachelorette in and the other OUT. Like, you ARE the weakest link - GOODBYE! But, when you really look at the big picture, the picture is like SO miz. Why?! WHO and I mean WHO would want to be in this GOD awful situation?! I mean, it's like sooo embarrassing if you think about it. Two women, vying for the attention of 25 men, but the catch? The 25 guys get to choose who the new Bachelorette will be! So, then you have these poor girls back to square one, in the exact same situation they were put in the season before - men deciding if they like them enough to keep them around. 

"Will it be awkward and possibly sad? Sure." HA. Thanks Chris. Yes, that right. Even Chris Harrison admitted that not only was this the most controversial season of the Bachelorette, because you know girls don't like watching other girls being essentially thrown to the wolves as guys pick them apart and decide which one is better, but he admitted that the whole situation was 100% awkward and uncomfortable. ANNND yes, it totally sucks for the girl who goes home...which we all know now was Britt. 

So, why did Chris Harrison and friends decide to do this? Well, because apparently (APPARENTLY), The Bachelorette ratings are umm much lower than that of The Bachelor. So, they decided that they needed to spice it up in some way, and obviously this was the way to do it. Was it a good idea (you know when you think about how the girls would feel)? No. Was it a good idea in terms of getting more ratings? Yes. Cause lemme tell ya, this two Bachelorette idea really fueled the fire.

PART 1: Monday Night, Awkwardness Strikes!  

THE GUYS

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So who are these men this season? Hmm. Well I gotta say, from a personal standpoint, there aren't to many who I fancy. They all seem kinda blahh to me, but there are def some who are better than others. There's two like black guys or half black guyz.  The black guy with the kid was SOOO adorable. He's literally the hotter version of John legend, but obv he wanted Britt so like ugh, bad taste. And then there's the one who ran track at Princeton and like, had a sad story.  I don't love him, but he chose Kaitlyn SOO better taste.

I couldn't understand the guy from Kentucky at all and Kentucky also scares me a as state so,  no thanks. There's a male dancer, a umm "singer" from Nashville, an industrial welder from KUNA?!!! Where is that?!! Ugh. But I mean he picked Kaitlyn, so at least he has a brain. Then we have the "healer" who admits he's anti-social and kisses plants, a few personal trainers, and umm that about rounds it up! Right? Lolzz. I mean, basically.

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I dunno. The only guy I like to see in lotus position is Don Draper...

LIMO PROBLEMS

And so, it began, and I gotta say it's SOOOO awkward. So, we have these two gorgeous women, I mean Britt and Kaitlyn are both equally beautiful, let's be fair, and all the guys. The guys get out of the limo and its SO AWK cause it was odd to see where the guys go first....some would head to Britt and some would head to Kaitlyn. Another miz thing? The convos they have with each girl. If you don't get picked first, you can still hear the convo the guy is having with the other girl. VOM.

One of the reasons why we love Kaitlyn?  She was so open about how awkward it was because at first, like a lot of guys went over to Britt, and Kaitlyn was just making faces and openly like: "This sucks." LOL. I mean ehhhh yeah, it does. Britt also kept pulling in guys for hugs likeee oh god. Guys were saying how Britt wins when it comes to first impression....and that's true. Chris def fell for it. Britt is a great first impression girl, but it's like once you start talking to Kaitlyn she wins, and you realize Britt is crazy. I swear Britt is that bitch is high school who is super nice, and pretty, but you realize that there's something totally off about her aka she's totally fake. So, you hate her anyways cause ultimately...she sucks. As much as I don't want to give into ABC's evil plan and pick a side, I shadily already have. SO BOOM. #TeamKaitlyn. Besides Kaitlyn looked way better anyway.  Wardrobe depart was def Team Kaitlyn for sure.

 

I think Britt could easily join the cast of "Scream Queens" right next to that biotch Ariana Grande. *side eye roll emoji* 

THE INTROS

Let's talk about some of the night's most memorable intros. These are always fun, fun because they are normally crazy.

JJ the uhh "former investment banker" came out of no where with a hockey puck and presented it to Kaitlyn and said "I wanna puck you..." Priceless. Lol.

Ian (our fellow Deerfield grad)  got out of the limo and told Kaitlyn that he was hoping it was her which, gave her the confidence she needed to kill it. Awww.

Britt magically fell in love with the 2nd personal trainer named Shawn, but then he waltzed over to Kaitlyn and told her that like he came for her and Britt heard...and that got awk. You could tell Britt was like so miz about it. 

The "amateur sex coach" pulled up in a car hot tub, also known as the "car pool," YUP. Clever. And "the dentist" pulled up in a I don't know what to call this, a portable cupcake? Yeah. I don't know.

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BAHAHAHAHAAH!!! This NEVER gets old.

And as expected, one guy got blackout drunk, per usual, and turned into the classic idiot that was hiding in the bushes, talking about being horny, and ended up being sent home.  But throughout those shenanigans, I found myself wondering if the guy who came in the "car pool" still had wet pants like throughout the whole evening?

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According to E! News, drunkie is the ex-boyfriend of former Bachelor contestant Nikki Ferrell. She sure knows how to pick 'em. 

CAN I PUT A ROSE IN UR BOX? 

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So, once we got inside the house, I think it was safe to say that even all the guys were like kinda confused when Chris Harrison walked into the room and he was like the voting rooms are open...TIME TO PICK A HOE. (But literally, that might as well be what he said).  Then the guys realize they have to vote for who they want to be the Bachelorette and  it's SO AWK for the guys cause like what if you want one girl and then she doesn't win...do you like stay for the other girl even though you didn't want her? MIZZ!!

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Jesus.

The whole thing was just So awful, and the worst part about it? The phrase: "Putting the roses in whoever's box." Like NO. Just, no. Putting roses in the girl's box...how lovely.  It's so so sui having guys be like "I'm putting my rose in Britt's box." NOOO. Just say, "I'm voting or Britt!" AHHH. It just reminded you over and over again, what's wrong with our country and how this was even  okay-ed to air because like, they so wouldn't do this for men. This is when I really did feel so bad for these girls honestly...like even Britt. Okay...maybe not Britt. Lol.

PART 2: TUESDAY, THE LUCKY BACH BITCH 

 

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Naturally, the end of part 1 left us all hanging, but Chris and friends jumped right into it when part 2 starts and BOOM Chris tells Britt...she don't got it. WOMP WOMP. Annnnd Britt starts crying and is super miz, but she actually held it together semi well until she got in the limo. Which is standard.  So, you're watching Britt and you feel bad cause she had to go through ALL of that to just get rejected (again) then you're like OHHH wait Britt you're gorgeous - stop. You'll get married. Prob even sooner since you've been on TV and now everyone knows who you are. Buuut at the same time, ya that sucks. This whole thing was absurd. We'll agree with you on that.

WHOO HOO! So, Kaitlyn wins and Chris sits down with her and jumps right into again and he's like - you gotta do the rose ceremony now. Kait's response: "OHH I still have to do that?!" - lolz. Ya.
 

After pulling herself together, and a quick phone call to mom, Kait waltzes back in the room and yayaya she is the new Bachelorette! What could go wrong?! OH WAIT. Half the guys wanted it to be Britt. Hmm. The guys who chose Kait you can tell are like totally stoked, but then you have the crew who chose Britt and it was super awk. They literally all were sitting on the couch with "what now?" faces on. Guys like "the healer" were super MIZ. He expressed wanting to go home...but like he should anyways lolz he's so odd. 

ROSE CEREMONY

So far, Kaitlin's front runners are the dentist, who is a nugget, but his teeth are like waaaay too white. Like, Ross night glow on FRIENDS white. I'm not about it. Annnd, Shawn. The personal trainer, who ended up getting the first impression rose. I'm already calling that Shawn is gonna be in the final two cause she really seemed to like him buuut there's something about his nose that bothers me. He's like a less attractive version of Ryan Gosling...but whatevs.

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 Yeah...he's def the one she has the early sex with, Oops.

But despite the Britt crew being miz, guys still wanted to impress Kaitlyn. I think, to be fair, the guys who voted for Britt should have gone home cause then you have those guys who voted for Britt who Kaitlyn picks and they get to stay, which really blows for the guys who got sent home but voted for Kait. For example two guys who who were like go-Britt-or-go-home, Kaitlyn picked... aka the creepy healer guy, and that guy Derek? Idk there's something about him I don't like. His chin is too pointy. And he did this...

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Yikes.

OH and she picked Jonathan...he's hot, but was SOO gun-ho Britt. So, that's awk am right? UGH. 

But WAIT.  AND THEN THERE WAS ONE! Randomly, out of the blue, the Nashville spirit singer removed himself from the situation and set out to find Britt. Way to go! He just up and left. (As all the Britt voters should have done). BRAVOOOO!

Kaitlyn applauded Nashville guy and continued to choose her guys. As for the ones that she picked that chose Britt...that'll come out of the wood work in due time, which will obv make for some great drama.  So, what else is in store for us this season? We of course saw a little promo for the season and as much as we all love to try and spot who the winner will be (I mean always do), we find out that Kaitlyn has a little bit of a slip up. YUP. She has sex with someone likeee before the fantasy suite. Oops? Lol I mean I do feel bad for her because I feel like people do it ALL the time...but it just so happen to be caught in her story line...so ya that sucks. OH WELL! Can't wait to see who she has sex with! It's prob Shawn. Lol. 

And as for Britt? Well don't you worry folks! We've got ourselves a little Britt side story.  Nashville crooner hehe went off to go find the uhh "Disney princess," so I guess well see how that ends as well.

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 The spiritual connection is real.

Welp, the season started out with a pretty awful and umm chauvinistic air to it HA, literally the ABC Bachelor producers SUCK...but looks like were in for a great season with Kaitlyn. Sex, drama, love, sex, emotions, and more sex. Should be as HISTORIC as Chris Harrison says...mainly because of the sex.