Why Andi Dorfman Is A Boss Bitch

Bach Star Andi Has Reportedly "Disappeared" From Le ATL Annnd, Taken A Leave Of Absence From Work...Is She The New Bachelorette? Bachelor Tell All Tonighht! Who's Excited?!!  #BachMadness #TeamAndi

I'm glad she and we, are over her ombre... it was like to aggress.



Andi Dorfman is a Bachelor saint. Freakin Bachelor Boss Bitch. Why? Because she took everything that is wrong with the unrealistic, fantasized television show, and place a huge ass spot light on it...aka liiiterally shit ALL OVER Juan Pablo's "ees okay" parade in the recent fantasy suite episode of da Bach. 

Now just a quick lil Bachelor recap. I'm sure everyone knows by now that the final three were Nikki, Clare, and Andi. Sure, whatever. So just like a few things about each of these HILAR dates...

Clare.

AHH!! Does anyone REMEMBER that Clare was the girl who came out of the limo w/ the fake pregnantcy bump?!! Like we should've called CRAZY then...

First of all, Clare would be the worst step-mom. Like she's scary. She would be the wicked step-mom. But, Juan is obsessed with her, like he literally and openly admits that he can't wait to have sex with her. Likee "I can't wait to get to know Clare better..." HA. And as Andi would later describe that - BULL SHIT. And like, I have no idea what the hell her and JP were beating around the bush with each other about before taking the damn fantasy room key. Like we ALL know you wanna screw each other. So SUI. ALSO the big question on my mind the whole time was: did Clare get lip injections? Or does she just like to pout and purse her lips together every second because she thinks she looks sexy?? I don't get it. Then they like eat each other's faces in the hot tub, then obv get it on. Ew. Fantasy light switch off. BYE. 

Niki. 

Fun Fact: Niki is actually a model. "Model." I think that whole nurse thang is paying for da bills...

Okay, I don't even know where to begin. I guess, first off, I Niki's outfit sui. Like it's so miz. Now, it's not a bad outfit totally, it's just a bit aggressive for horse back riding AND it would look 10X better on Andi, just saying. OH, and I hate her tat. Juan is obviously sexually deprived b4 all of these fantasy suite dates cause he's like openly horny. He basically tells Niki that he would almost prefer it if Niki was wearing a THONG while horse back riding. Like is that his fantasy? Finally, fantasy suit timeee! Juan says that he his excited for Niki to learn all about the real him, which like, according to Andi - sucksss. 

Andi. 

BYE. 

She's just awesome. Like she's a southern jap lawyer, who has a thing for black leather pants, so I dig it. I guess the miz thing about this was, JP really liked Andi. You could tell. Plus, he raves about their time in the suite. He talks about how they had this grand ole time and how they laughed all night. SO much emphasis on how much they laughed. Like was Andi just fake laughing? Probs laughing about how she was so gonna break up with him in the morning and he had NO idea what was coming. I mean, yeah. I guess that's pretty funny. HAHAHA. Andi does like a complete 180 doe from how she was feeling under dat waterfall to post fantasy suite. But, I guess her family was happy, I mean her dad was def happy she dodged a bullet - and even better, she figured it out herself! So, basically after JP tells Andi that she barley made it to St. Lucia likee OH HELL NO, Andi lets it all out. She calls him out for being a cocky-Clare-loving-non-english-speaking-doesn't-know-anything-about-her-or-her-political-views-asshole. And what does he have to say? "Eess Okay." OBV. And after that, Andi said SEE YA, making Bach Historie. Fabulous. 

Shitting on Juan Pablo and his douche bag tendencies was probably the best thing that could have ever happened to Andi because nowww there is talk of her being the new Bachelorette. GASP right? But will she do it?!! People are saying Andi is too much of a hard ass...cause she's a lawyer. I mean OH okaaay. I get it. Lawyer's are intimidating especially female ones cause guys automatically realize you're not fucking around- aka JP. I'm pretty sure he said, and I quote: "Andi...I didn't hhhwannaa to fight with Andi. She's a lawyer." AND "I really liked Andi, but once she started da argue - that was it." REALLY?! To quote Huffington Post and their article about Andi leaving the Bachelor: " That night...we were all Andi." Cause I mean Juan was just a typical asshole guy who didn't care about anything but himself and having sex with everyone aand obv Andi is the only person to point it out and walk away from it.



LOL. 


According to TMZ.com, Andi has secretly, but not so secretly taken a leave of absence from her recent court case in the ATL. SO does that mean she has disappeared to possibly become the Bachelorette?? Hmm. I mean, I would. I'd only go on the Bach to almost make it, get voted off, gain enough fans to become the new Bachelorette, have it work out, but not really, and then somehow end up hosting E! News...(I am in NO way referring to YOU - ALI FEDOTOSKY). 

For the Full TMZ Article CLICK HERE. 

Like Juan MUST be an asshole and kinda shady since he is now left with Clare and Nikki who were essentially the mean girls of the bunch, which must mean he's just incredibly shallow and has no concept of what it means to have a good personality...cause his sucks. Again, to quote Andi: "It's NOT okay..." 

Wow, I can't wait for the women tell all doe. I mean, it's normally super miz and people being still in love and miz about missing their legit 15 minutes of fame, but this one is gonna be gold. We're talking heated drama aka girls complaining about how much of a douche JP is...I'm pretty sure I heard: "He's just not who you think he would be..." in da promo. UH OHHH. 

Honestly, I was team Andi and Sharleen from day one. Why? Cause they were both classy as fuck, and stable aka had real jobs...none of this "Free Spirit" (like WTF?!) or "Hair Stylist" shit...oops sorry Clare. And they're both gorg and likee even though Sharleen cried a lot, miz, she's like the most elegant person ever and cultured, which is amazing. AND apparently Sharleen, Andi, and Kelly (dog lover...), who is also from Atlanta, are all fraaaaaandzz in real life, or I guess still friends since da show wrapped. Check out this awesome pics!

 
 Bach Besties.

Love all of them. So amaze. Follow these bitches if you're just as obsessed with off camera Bachelor antics as I am....Bachelor Tell All count down begins now.

Follow: 
@sharleenjoynt
@andi_dorfman
@kelltravisty

I mean I do...