OUR Bachelor Finale RECAP!!!! Guess Who's Moving To Iowa...?! LOLzzz Queen Of Da Farm...
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Ahh yes, last night "Price Farming" finally chose his bride. Now America can go back to forgetting that Iowa even exists...hahahaha. I mean, sorry if you're like from Iowa (for several reasons), but even if you're from Iowa, have YOU ever been to Arlington?! Just saying...
Anyway, whether you were #TeamBecca (team virgin bride) or #TeamWhitney (team making babies ALL day), doesn't really matter because either way...one of those girls unfortunately has to move to Iowa, so it's like ya you feel bad for the winner, but then you also feel bad that the winner has to spend the rest of her life in a cornfield.
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And I gotta say, they're pretty excited:
Whitney: "Were gonna make some babies. And they're gonna be cute."
Chris: "Fuck yeah"
Aww. And I gotta say, it was kinda cute how like Chris' parents came to the barn and liked hugged Whitney and welcomed her to the family. They don't normally do that, but I mean I guess when your parents live right down the street...I mean it is Iowa after all, not a tropic island (like normal).
So, Chris picked Whitney, Becca got dumped in a barn HAHAHAHA (again not a tropic island like normally), so what's next? The Final Rose OBV!
After the sweet Bach proposal, the Final Rose came on and while you're a little paranoid that Chris Harrison was going to start talking about his new book, you were more anxious to see Chris interact with Becca lol. Cause let's be real, when Becca didn't get chosen, you gotta admit she was like the world's BEST loser...WHY? Prob, because she 1. expected it and 2. didn't really care. LOL. I think she KNEW that Whitney was ready and her continually saying "I don't know" and "I'm not in love" didn't help things with Chris. For awhile though, it seemed like Chris really wanted to want Becca, I mean he DID indeed want Becca more, her whole hard-to-get thing was alluring, but in the end, he would have just ended up dating Becca and "seeing it where it goes" and if it's anything like Juan Pablo and Nikki's relationship, it would have gone no where. SO, Whitney is is!! But really, Whit and Chris are kinda meant for each other in sense that they are both like SO ready....for kids and marriage. Ugh.
I was pumped to see Becca though, mainly because I wanted to see what she was going to wear and obv she came out looking looked hot - that fuschia dress tho....OMG LOVE. Gonna shadily find out where she got that dress from somehow. In addition to looking great, Becca also finally showed some personality for once, but I guess by
then...it was too late lol. But, I mean Becca is a young, hot, virgin,
she'll find her little southern soul mate eventually...
The dress tho...
So, after Becca leaves Whitney
comes on and she and Chris of course, have their first public appearance as a couple yada yada. But there was totally something off about Whitney, like was she possibly on crack? LOL, okay, she wasn't on crack but like she kept rocking back and forth and was super fidgety and her hair was like kinda dissolved? Like, I don't know what it was, but she has DEF
looked better...
Right?! Like she has looked better...I was confused...
ALSO when Chris spoke, she
DID NOT take his eyes off him for a second...like at all.
Like this. She just....stared at him. SNAP OUT OF IT WHIT!!!
It was like
she was literally SOOOO drunk in love that she couldn't control
herself...I mean she said she loves to hang out with Linda and Gary for God's SAKE (Chris' parents). Like talk about Drunk.In.Love. Beyonce was prob proud.
Following Whitney's debatable love break down, Jimmy Kimmel came on and obv killed it by making things more awkward...
One classic Jimmy quote:
"Ashley S thinks she's on the price is right." LOLOL
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Speaking of 24 year old, Ashely S, she
came back and I thought she looked great. But, the question on everyone's mind is
- is Ashley literally crazy or just a freakin genius? I vote genius. She's made a Bachelor name for herself and
everyone loves it. She's gonna go down in Bach history aka reality
tv history aka now she's gonna be on everyone's fav summer show, Bachelor in Paradise...oh gawd. The
full cast of that should be interesting.
Another Jimmy quote:
Jimmy to Chris - "I
think bottom like is Becca wasn't into you..." LOLOL
I mean....truth.
But Jimmy doesn't stop there. He then
proceeds to bring out a large cow...HA as a present to Whitney and Chris. The best part?
"The cow's
name is Juan Pablo." BAHAHAHAHAHAA "eees okay." Nailed it.
THE BACHELORETTE..."S"
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I mean Jesus. I don't even know what to say about this. I heard on E! News prior to watching the Bachelor that ABC was planning on "shaking UP" the Bachelorette because it has become two predicable. Which, I was confused about because the Bachelor in general is OBV so predicable. So, I wonder who in the right mind decided that TWO Bachelorettes was a good idea.?! This isn't a victory for Britt or Kaityln as Kaityln said: "Well the first thing that went through my mind was - that's not ideal..." LOL I mean yah that SUCKS.
Like HOW is this GOING to work?!!
They are saying that they haven't worked out all the kinks yet, but like Chris
Harrison kinda explained that the men are basically gonna vote for the woman that
they think would make the best wife then SHE'LL be the bachelorette
where as the other one will just be rejected AGAIN. WTF?!! Such BS.
Like who CARES if #BachelorNation was so called "split down the middle?!!" Just like flip a coin or something and pick one!! Even though we all know that Kaitlyn deserves it more...like Britt ugh NOOO. Side note though: Britt looked better last night. She had on like WAY LESS makeup, and cut her hair and was wearing a nice sequin dress - much better. But still #TeamKaitlyn.
But, like, am I going to watch it? Well...how else am I going to bring you the news if I don't? YUP, that is truly my excuse for everything... #NoShame
The Bachelorette premieres with TWO Bachelorettes on May 18th. Dear God help us.
