2018 Golden Globes Blackout: WORST Dressed

Worst Dressed a la Golden Globes (Red Carpet BLACKOUT)

They say everybody looks good in black. But at this year's Golden Globes awards, that just was NOT the case. While some stars SLAYED the all black dress code, others well, completely missed the mark. Which btw is so hard to do because IT'S BLACK. Ugh. 

Several A-list celebs showed up in some D-list dresses, so with out further ado...

Here are le worst dressed from Sunday night's Globes red carpet. 

NOT AWFUL NOT GREAT 

Caitriona Balfe in Chanel

Ugh, I LOVE this woman and I LOVE "Outlander," but I'm not so sure that I love this dress. Is it awful? Nope. But is it great? Nope. I mean it's Chanel, and like fancy couture goes - it's either hit or miss. And while I don't love this dress, I do think Caitriona is werking it at the same time. I mean she's so tall and like former model beautiful, like anything would look good on her. And I actually really do love the neckline, its just the cut of the dress I'm like ehh about. But her best accessory of the night was her new engagement ring. BOOM. Congrats girl! 

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Kate Hudson in Valentino

I'm ALL for the plunge neckline and drop diamond necklace trend. And I'm ALL for Kate's new hair do. I love her short hair cause her face is like so defined - it's amazing. Buuut, I don't love this dress. It's like gothic chic? I love the whole sheer trend too, but I really don't like the whole criss-cross pattern on the dress. It's too much. I think the shape of the dress is gorgeous and she looks good IN the dress, but the dress is like meh. Plus my eyes go directly to the hot pants underneath. It's just not a balanced look. 

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Gal Gadot in Tom Ford 

Ugh, well I mean we all know Wonder Woman is gorgeous. And as Wonder Woman, Gal can literally wear pretty much anything and still look amazing. But half the outfits she wore while on her "Wonder Woman" premiere tour were WAY better than this look. Now, I love the crisp, tuxedo jacket but it should be placed over a simple, straight black dress - NOT a ruched stretchy fabric looking dress with a weird uneven hem line? Like the side slit looks like a rip. No thank you. But does she still like great? I mean, duh.  

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WORST 

Heidi Klum in Ashi Studio 

UM. Okay. I think the best way to explain this dress is BLACK SWAN. Like, this literally looks like a feathered, high-low disaster costume from "Black Swan." It looks like someone just glued feathers all over her dress, cut the front out so she could walk, but then they put to many feathers at the top of the dress and and it's totally overwhelming her chest. AHHH! I hate it. It would 100% be worse if Heidi wasn't wearing it. But luckily, she's Heidi so...

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Elizabeth Moss in Dior 

Ugh, so this dress isn't exactly ugly. It's a classic, diamond collar, vintage Dior dress. Nothing wrong with it, but this dress is just not flattering on the "Handmaid's Tale" winner. It's too frumpy and makes her look bigger than she is and the 1950s hemline just makes it worse. Like, love you Liz but this isn't "Mad Men" and even if it was well, Betty and Megan Draper would looked waaay better in something that wasn't this.

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Kendall Jenner in Giambattista Valli

I hate Pepsi and Frye Festivals AND THIS DRESS. Now anyone who knows me WELL knows that I like anything poofy, princess-y - anything with a lot of tulle and chiffon I'M THERE. BUT I'm not into the high-low look when the dress is MASSIVE. Plus the short, poofy front makes her look pregnant which if I were here, I would stay clear of unless she wants to create more rumors about her family. LOL. PLUS this is NOT how you do Giambattista Valli.

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THIS IS HOW YOU G VALLI:

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You're not Rihanna Kendall, sorry.

ALSO you're NOT supposed to be at the Globes! And I'm SO over your lip injections UGH. So I'm sorry Kendall, but until Kylie announces her pregnancy and you admit that you got your lips done - BYE. 

Samira Wiley in Romana Keveza 

WAHH! Samira, I love you. I love you so much that when you died in "OITNB" I cried my HEART OUT! And I am so happy that you've found a new role and are killing it on the "Handmaid's Tale," buut I HATE this dress. Like, I debated putting it in the MIZ section, but it's not God awful, it's just awful. Like I'd rather her to have worn a black strapless dress than this awk illusion neckline with these floating gold triangles. I mean, I DON'T EVEN GET the design?! WHO wants floating triangles on their chest?! Like it's so confusing and ugly. Oy, maybe I do think it's God awful.  :( 

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Lily James in Valentino

Love Lily James and her cute British self, but this is one poofy dress that I don't love. I would have been happier if she had just worn her Cinderella costume to the red carpet if she was going to choose this ruffled mess. It literally looks like someone took a bunch big Christmas bows and glued them to her chest and to the bottom of the dress. Also the dress looks heavy AF and that's not the look anyone should go for. Sorry Lily, but your "Downton Abbey" style was ten times better than this.

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Allison Janney in Mario Dice

I really hate to say anything bad about Allison Janney because I really do love her so much and I was so happy she won the Globe for "I Tonya," but I gotta say, I hate this dress. But I only hate the top. I think the dress fits her to the tee and  her body looks amazing, but I HATE the black and white top. YUCK. From far away the shoulder part  looks like butterfly wings, which I hate, but also like a tiger slashed the dress and left holes in it? If the dress had been ALL black it may have been different, but the black and white together is so tacky. Here's hoping her Oscar dress is better. Cause I have full faith in her Oscar nomination...and that she may win. 

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LIT MIZ

Jamie Chung in Ermanno Scervino

Jamie Chung is such a little cutie, but this dress is not cute at ALL. It's literally so ugly. To be blunt lol. So let's walk through this - you've got a leather top, that is sinched with a tiny belt, and then has a messy, uneven, looks like bunched up tissue paper, skirt. It looks like she's been rolling around in the dress for hours in her bed and then got up and decided to go to the Globes and threw that belt around her waist to try and make it trendy. YUP. I said it. It's MIZ.

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Pamela Adlon

Is it a corset? Is it a jacket? Is a costume from "Moulin Rouge?" I don't know WHAT it is or what's going on here but NONE of it is working. I think Pamela is hilarious and she's super talented but there is NOTHING funny about this dress people. Or I'm sorry, suit? UGH SEE! I don't even know what to call it but like fugly and miz. 

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Gwendoline Christie 

Obviously Gwen is like a super tall girl and she can legit where anything, but THIS, this is hideous. This looks like a black chiffon dress that was shredded in the shredder a few times and then someone threw it in the trash and left it there and then she found it and decided the crazy layers of fabric was trendy, but really it's just like SO miz. It also looks like someone bought a bunch of black streamers from Party City and made one of those plastic streamer dresses like I made in 4th grade...and mine looked better. And was yellow. SO I win.

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Abbie Cornish 

Ugh, this is a perfect example of when good sequins happen to bad design. I'm never one to turn down a sequin dress, but this is legit MIZ. I literally have ZERO idea what is happening the with neckline. Like it's a key hole neckline, but then it has this pointy part of the choker that's like pointing down into the key hole? Like a compass?! It's just v confusing. And then the sleeves are also too much. Wah, it's just ugly. 

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Zuri Hall 

As one of the few remaining women on E! News, LOL, I gotta say I'm pretty disappointed with Zuri's delivery here. There's TOO much going on with this dress! It looks like THREE different dresses. First off it's sheer, but then the top has polka dots, but then the bottom looks like a 17th century petty coat and has a lot of ruffles and lace! UGH. It's like MAKE UP YOUR MIND. You can NOT have your cake and eat it too in this situation. And if you look closely and you cut off the bottom of the dress and made it knee length, then it actually looks like a dress from Hot Topic. And ya, it's not 2001 and Hot Topic is not the place I normally suggest for red carpet dresses...

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Blanca Blanco 

Blanca, Blanca, Blanca. Oh boy. So, if we’re being honest, everyone was looking for that ONE person who was going to show up to the awards show in – drum roll please – A COLOR.  So leave it to Latina actress, BB to show up in a RED velvet dress that literally leaves nothing to the imagination. Not only is this dress cut out and slashed everywhere, who cares if it’s blood red it’s just NOT appropriate for the Golden Gobles. Grammys? Maybe. Maxium’s Hot 100? Sure. Globes? Nope. PLUS most people just think she did this for attention anyways so that she could get more on da radar, so again if we’re being honest, I think that worked in her favor. She explained that she wore red cause read means "passionate" and shes passionate about the cause? IDK. She’s either reaaally smart or reaaally dumb. I can’t decide, but this dress is awful.

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Barbara Meier 

And then there was girl. I don't even know who she is - I mean I could look her up but that's too much effort LOL. She wore this embellished floral dress, which I am normally ALL about, but it looks like it was dipped in cotton candy tie dye and then she decided that wasn’t enough so she added tie dye magic carpet looking fabric and just tapped it to the back of the dress. SERIOUSLY! That’s what this dress looks like. Talk about wearing NO colors – this dress has TOO many colors, too many flowers, and too many unidentified objects attached to it. It’s miz and I’m hating. 

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2018 Golden Globes Red Carpet BLACKOUT

Best Dressed a la Golden Globes (Red Carpet BLACKOUT)

On Sunday night, Hollywood gathered at the 75th Annual Golden Globes Awards in Beverly Hills, Calif., and the theme of the night was more than just honoring film and television - it was all about honoring women and supporting the Time's Up movement. And do this, women and men graced the red carpet in all black. And sure, you were prob real nervous that the award show carpet was gonna look like a funeral buuut it actually looked pretty cool. Women and men took the all black dress code and ran with it prompting awesome hair and make up styling, stand out accessories, and just really cool and different ways to wear all black.

But per usual, even though everyone wore the same shade, not everyone looked amazing.

Worst dressed to come later, but for now - let's praise the BEST!

Here are les best dress peeps at the 2018 Globes!

BEST OF DA BEST 

Dakota Johnson in Gucci

Welp, this was easily my favorite dress of the night. I literally never, and I mean never in all my years did I think I would say these words, but Dakota Johnson was my favorite dress of the night. GASP. She always wears Gucci because she is a Gucci gal, but this has to be the best Gucci gowns she has ever worn or that I’ve seen like period. The front is so simple, but the diamond waist belt is gorgeous and just when you think it’s just this basic black dress, BOOM the back is an explosion of silver sparkle and chiffon and I DIE for it. It’s like the heavens attached to a dress and it's everything. 

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Angelia Jolie in Atelier Versace 

I was recently re-watching “Mad Men” episodes and having some serious 1960s nostalgia and then I turn on the Golden Globes and THIS happened. Angie showed up looking like a mod goddess in this gorgeous Versace gown with a chiffon overlay and feathered edges. The mom, who brought her 14 year-old son Pax, to the awards, styled her look with a glam 60s up do and diamond jewels. Not to get into the age old Brad Pitt feud, but she DEF looked more glam than Jen. Oops. All hail Angie. 

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Saoirse Ronan in Atelier Versace 

The “Ladybird” actress who took home the award for best actress in a comedy or musical looked like winner in this futuristic black and silver gown. The actress took a tote from red carpet vet Angie and also wore Versace and paired the look with one gorgeous diamond bangle and a slicked back hair do. Congrats Lady(bird)!

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Catherine Zeta Jones in Zuhair Murad 

Its official – CZJ is my spirit animal. I literally don’t even know how old she is and I don’t want to know, but one thing I do know is that if I can wear this sheer and embellished Zuhair gown and SLAY when I’m whatever age she is, then I will have succeeded at life. Catherine looks better than some 20 year olds and her va-va-voom hair with the emerald chandelier earrings – UGH. It’s perfection. Hey Michael Douglas – can Cath marry me?! 

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Nicole Kidman in Givenchy 

Well, there’s no surprise here – Nicole looks gorgeous. She always looks gorgeous. She looked as if she descended from the heavens – EVEN in ALL black. That’s hard to do ladies. And of course, Nicole won best actress in a limited series for “Big Little Lies,” so the star just all around glittered on Sunday night. Not to mention the intricate back of the gown, which made her look like a sparkling butterfly and I was so here for it. Congrats Nic!

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BEST

Jessica Biel in Dior 

UGH. So while I’m like happy for Nicole or whatever lol, I was also really rooting for Jessica Biel to win for “The Sinner,” which honestly is another thing I never thought I would say haha. I have never really been a huge Jessica Biel fan but “The Sinner” turned me into a Biel-iever? LOL. Does that work?! Anyway “Sinner” aside, Jess always looks STUNNING on red carpets (let’s not forget her Emmys look when I literally died and went to J. Biel heaven), so she makes best dress because again, she looks spectacular. Nuf said. 

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Alison Brie in Vassilis Zoulias

Aliso Brie is such a cutie. I literally always forget she’s married to Dave Franco, like literally always – but I mean it’s fine. Anyway, I loved her whole dress/ pants look. I actually had no idea it was pants until I took a closer look, but it’s such a beautiful 1950s looking ball gown, but with pants and it's amazing. The sweet heart neck like with a diamond necklace is sheer perfection and even though Brie didn’t win for “GLOW,” she’s def a winner in my ring. Also, she said this really cute thing in her red carpet interview about women “wearing the pants” in Hollywood and I just died even more for her pants look.

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Kerry Washington in Prabal Gurung
Ahhh Kerry. I love Kerry’s red carpet style because she never ever does the same thing twice and everything she wears is ALWAYS a surprise. Sometimes you wanna bow down and sometimes you’re like ehhh I don’t know, BUT her fashion risks are what make her a red carpet icon and I LOVE this look. It’s def a Prabal runway look which is why it’s so unique, but I love the mid-length, asymmetrical cut with the embellished booties. AH! LOVE the booties! Like, no one has done this – it’s daring but so freaking cool. And fashion aside, let’s all just take a minute to note her fabulous waved hair and luminous makeup – she literally radiates true BEAUTY. Like now I need a minute to reflect on my life…

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Issa Rae in Prabal Gurung

ISSA PARY ISSA PARTY. Oh man. My girl Issa Rae showed UP to her first Globes and looked SO fierce. But okay to be fair, when I first saw this dress I was like: Is this dress to much? But then I saw it shimmer in the light and when Issa posed on the carpet with her Angelina Jolie leg I was like BOOM. There ya go. Perfect. And like my other soul sista Kerry, Issa also chose Prabal and styled her black, flowy gown with a plunging emerald and diamond necklace. Stunning. This look, well, ISSA VIBE.

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Halle Berry in Zuhair Murad 
Okay, so I know what you’re thinking and I’m gonna go ahead and say it before we all jump to conclusions. YES, there’s a whole lot of skin showing and YES, this may not be the most Globes “suitable” dress. LOL. BUT let’s back it up. While this dress may be more acceptable for say, the Grammys, Halle looks SO good in this barely-there lace mini – I’m sorry but no one else could wear this and look THIS good so at the end of the day, SHE WINS. P.S. she’s 50. So, yeah we can all just go and screw ourselves. This girl’s time will NEVA be UP. Ya feel me?

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SJP in Dolce and Gabbana 

So, I know this dress is going to hit or miss for a lot of people, but anyone who knows me knows that I love anything from 1700s, Rococo era France (and for those who don’t know what that is, um go pick up a history book or just go watch Marie Antoinette lol), and THIS D&G dress is an extremely cool take on that era, but transformed into a modern red carpet look and I LOVE it. I love everything from corset waist, to the ruffled skirt and with the bold embellishments, to the voluminous sheer sleeves. Ugh, I love it all. And if this dress was long and looked more of like an 18^th century costume, I’d still wear it.

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Margot robbie in Gucci

Another Gucci gal who looked stunning on Sunday night was Tonya – OH I’m sorry, I mean Margot. Whoops! Classic “I, Tonya” mix up. And even though she didn’t win the award last night, Margot, who literally always looks amazing letz be honest, dazzled in this 1930s inspired number. The vintage cut of the dress fit her body to the tee and ornate pattern on the gown was just the definition of a work of art. Well done Gucci. Well done.

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Alicia Vikander in Louis Vuitton 

My girl Alicia always rocks LV on the carpet, being one of the faces of the French brand, and while the front of this just is just a very simple, collared, chiffon gown with black sequined embellishments, the BACK is a whole nothaa story. The back of this dress makes the entire look and I think this is one of the most elegant gowns of the night. It’s understated, but still fashion forward. And this is Alicia relaaaxing people, since she only presented last night. This was her “chill” look and I salute that.

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Zoe Kravitz in Saint Laurent 

Ahhh Zoe. Literally no words.

JK I always have words LOL. But this girl literally takes my breath away. Zoe did the MOST without doing ANYTHING at all. The girl has on a simple - dare I say basic - strapless Saint Laurent gown, but for some reason, she just looks better than half the people on the carpet. Not to mention the styling of the look is what really brings it home. Not only does she look striking with a bold red lip, she accessorized the look with giant emerald stone earrings that just SLAY. UGH she’s beautiful. Looking at her hurts my eyes and SHE’S WEARING BLACK. Ladies and gentlemen – this is how it’s done. 

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