Tuesday, May 23, 2017

DA BACHELORETTE IS BACK!!

The BEST and the most CRINGE-worthy Moments from The Bachelorette Premiere 



Like Bachelorette contestant Dean so kindly reminded us last night - "once you go black you don't go back" (LOL womp womp for Dean, who originally got a lot of social media backlash for that comment).  But after being re-introduced to Rachel's fabulousness on Monday night's premiere of The Bachelorette, it may be safe to say that America def feels the same way.

 The 31 (some debatable) contestants aside, Rachel is just PERFECT. Like, I'm also trying to date her. 

 I mean she's smart, she's hot, she's mature, she can play basketball...



She's got a great since of Bachelorette premiere dresses...


BUT despite her fab Rachelness, we're still questioning some of the decisions she made on the highly anticipated Bach premiere last night.

 There were some great moments and some hot guys, and some not so great moments and some not so hot guys. But luckily for you, I'm here to break it all down so you don't have too! So, let's take a look at some of the BEST and the well, most of the MIZ moments from last night's Bachelorette premiere.

DA GURLS

1. Rachel's Squad



If you didn't know, now you know that Rachel has a pretty aggressive Bach squad rooting for her. Several of Rachel's besties from last season including dolphin obsessed Alexis, Bachelor finalist Raven, and the controversial, Corinne. The ladies sat down last night to give Rach some Bachelorette advice even though we're pretty convinced every single on of these ladies is heading to Paradise... and prob won't be a Bachelorette LOL. But hey! They're still fun right?



DA NORMAL BOYZ


1. PETER

I don't know about you but I am so HERE FOR PETER. Why?! Because not only was he the first one out of the limo and one of the few guys not to do anything weird and crazy, he looks SO good in a suit AND he's basically the white version of Rachel with his swag gap tooth smile LOL. Basically, I'm so here for Peter and Rachel and their future interracial, gap-toothed babies. Aren't you?!!

2. BYRAN 



Well, I want to say "ooo la la" but I guess the correct phrase for Bryan and his Latin American self would be "aye, ye, ye!" I don't know about you, but I've always had a thing Latin men, I mean who doesn't? They're romantic, they can dance, they speak Spanish to you when they get out of the limo LOL.



Rachel was totally feeling his Latin flavaaa especially when the chiropractor said he was uhmm good with his hands....but hot Latiness aside, I think we all agree that Bryan's kissing was likeee a little TOO MUCH. Yuck.

3. JOSIAH



Ugh, take about a heart-wrenching life story. If you don't recall, this is the guy whose brother hung himself when he was little, so damaged by that at a super young age, he got into a lot of trouble and started committing crimes, until one lawyer dude decided to give him a chance and BOOM he inspired him and now Josiah is a lawyer. UGH AMAZING.



I mean I was totally rooting for this guy, cause he initially seemed pretty sweet, but later on in the night he got a little cocky and that's never cute. Like BE HUMBLE!!

4. KENNY



 So, when I first saw Kenny, you know the aggressive wrestler guy with the 13-year-old daughter, I was like OKAY nahh. Not feeling it. I also thought he was gonna body slam Rachel down to the ground when he got out of the limo LOL. BUT after they're little chat inside, he seems SUPER sweet AND he's freaking HILARIOUS. Rooting for him to stay for a bit.





5. ERIC

This guy. SO, I think this guy is such a cutie. The 29-year-old personal trainer is def a hottie, but the odd thing about him is that he looks SO young!! Like he kinda looks like he just walked off the high school football field? But at the same time he's like really tall, so it's a tad confusing. I'm def thinking he's gonna last for a while though...




DA EXTRA BOYZ



1. The penis guy who plays the drums 


SO, can we talk about how NO ONE is talking about how Blake E., yes walked in as the "aspiring drummer" with a full marching band, BUT he was also the guy with the intro video that was all about how he like loves the gym, loves to have sex, and LOVES HIS PENIS?!! NOT CASUAL. Needless to say, the jury is still out on him.



2. The tickle monster 


OH BOY. So, tickling a girl without her permission is one thing, but the fact that the so called "tickle monster" is actually a doctor who would rather be called the "tickle monster" on national TV is another thing. I don't know what is more concerning...

3. The guy who came dressed as a penguin



Apparently Rachel has a thing for penguin's but like something tells me this guy is better suited for Bachelor dolphin lover, Alexis Waters.

4. Adam and his creepy voodoo doll??



I LITERALLY HAVE ZERO WORDS. And I have another negative zero words for the fact that he was given a rose last night. Like, COME ON Rach!!


Also why his creepy little Adam Jr doll aka "AJ," FRENCH?!!!! Like he had subtitles!! AHHHH! I just CANNOT.

5. WHAABOOM



Last but not least, #WHABOOM. Good God. So this is what happened when Lucas aka "Whaboom" stepped out of the limo...



THEN #WHABOOM walks into the mansion and after terrifying Rachel outside of the house, he proceeds to terrify all the guys inside the house...



It's fair to say that Diggy was all of us when we relized that #WAHBOOM was more than just a catch phrase, it's an actual terrifying human being.


THENN #WHABOOM brought the megaphone (which is had already used from the limo to talk about his lopsided testicles...EW), and we were all like...



AND THEN when #WHABOOM ended up getting a rose and we were ALL likee...



Jesus Christ.



But in addition to Whaboom getting a rose, Rach also gave a rose both IGGY and DIGGY?!! But like NOT too hottie half Asian Blake K.?!!!



At least now there's a serious social media movement to get Blake K to Paradise... 






So, I say that's a win win.


After The Bachelorette aired on ABC last night, talk show host and Bachelor super-fan, Jimmy Kimmel picked his top three finalists and the winner for this season which he believes to be personal trainer Eric, Latin Bryan, and the winner to be PETERRRR. DUH.



Can't say that I don't fully agree with Jimmy's picks. Welp, LET RACHEL'S SEASON COMMENCE with a #WHABOOM!! LOLOL

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