Bachelor Finale RECAP!!

Bachelor Finale RECAP!!  Congrats Jojo!! (And Oh yeah, Ben and Lauren too...I guess LOL) 

Another Bachelor bites the dust. 

Welp, it's official...last night Ben "found love." Yeah. Ben Higgins is NO longer single ladies. In fact, he's ready to marry Lauren RIGHT NOW. So, much so that Ben's Indiana pastor came to the "After the Final Rose" show to see if they couple were super ready. BUT don't worry, I won't get ahead of myself. Let's just take a look back on the whoooole damn episode. YAY! 

First thing's first: I love Ben's parents. Like, #TeamBensDad for days. 

Not only does Ben's dad have this hot politician vibe going on, which is like SO real, he also basically sensed that Lauren B was TOO perfect which I was totally jiving with. 

Lauren: “I think Ben is the most incredible person I’ve met.” 

Ben's dad: “Well, Thank you.” – Ben’s Dad is basically saying to Lauren - Thanks for saying that I made a beautiful human being and that I’m also so beautiful. 

But he's also thinking, which he told Ben - what else IS there to Lauren?! No one can act that perfect all the time. It's not normal, like sorry bye. 

Ben's dad: "I think you're in a unique situation." LOL. Thanks Ben's dad. 

THEEN you have Ben's mom who is like so practical and is kinda likeee I hate both girls for BEN lol. I mean, SAME. 

But, I did love that Ben's mom seemed to love Jojo more than Lauren….

She loved that Jojo knows that Ben is “hard on himself” and Ben's mom was like so into that. SAME. 

And then Jojo started crying to his parents and we were all like DAMN GINA. You get those emotions. 

So, after the parental meetings, Ben's parents said that while both girls would obv DIE to be engaged to Ben, Ben's dad pointed out that Jojo, being the smarter one obv, asked been the RIGHT question to his face. That question being...

“So a proposal something that you're ready to do?” GET IT Jojo. #Smarts. 

Ben’s dad even SAID “Jojo went there and asked the important questions before I did…” YEAH SHE DID cause she's smart. Duh. 

Lauren 

Well, I got excited because Ben totally realized that Lauren was def a goodie goodie and that maybe things “were too perfect too soon" after taking to his dad. (#TeamBensDad). 

I mean, when Lauren actually wears make up...

HMMM.

I mean, I would vote yes. Although Lauren is NO where near as bad as Calia, at least Jojo is REAL and has emotions, and issues, and asks questions. Lauren is all sunshine and Marina del Rey smiles and its like umm NOO buddy that’s not real. Sorry. 

The Last Date. 

Lauren is all nervous cause Ben “is not being Ben” as she put it, so she is ready to make her last impression and to do that - she decides to wear this BORING black square neck dress that EVERYONE has. AKA NOTHING that stands out…because she has no real personality. It’s fine. Whatever. 

And she tries to convince Ben, who is having doubts about her, that she is the right person because she has “never been more sure about anything in [her] life.” OKAY. 

But Lauren crying was great…not in a mean way, but we have never really seen her show a lot of emotional rage. SO, the crying showed that she literally was gonna be MIZ without Ben. And I mean…I would be too. He’s great. 

Side note: SO Awk that Chris Harrison had BOTH families at the live Tell All watching the show...WHY?! Ugh. But, funny that Jojo's brothers were not there. LOL. #Readyforlove. 

Jojo's Last Date. 

Sooo Jojo and Ben in the waterfall was everything. I love Jojo. Mainly because we both have the same neon bikini but likeeeee she’s also A REAL FREAKING PERSON. 

Neon bikini game strong. 

Plus, Jojo asked the REAL questions. She was like: "HEY Ben, this isn’t gonna be easy – like I'll be in Dallas you’ll be wherever… how are we gonna do this?"

LIKE IDK but real people ASK those questions! 

Jojo's most miz quote though - “I hope I don’t end up looking like a fool…” I mean YEAH, but after being on this show…you're gonna end up looking like sumthin.

On the evening of Jojo's last date, the girl looked FAB. I mean she also wore black but she SLAYED in that plunge, black romper. Take note Lauren. 

THEN the  highly anticipated bathroom scene happened. And that was pretty rough. But I mean at least the guy was being honest. It was no longer a big secret. Like he LOVES them both! #Yikes. 

Bach perks or Bach problems? I'll let you decide. 

SOOOO all in all: Lauren cried and Jojo REALLY cried. These betches love Ben. And I mean for Jojo, sure, she didn’t get that “sign” that she wanted. So, that’s miz. 

THE PICK 

“In a few minutes…a woman I love is going to arrive here and I’m going to break her heart.” - Ben. LOL. Jesus that sucks.

Ahh the final rose was upon us last night. The two women got all dolled up for the BIG proposal (or I mean dolled up for nothing if you're the loser) into fab gowns and went off in da heli to meet Ben.

BUT per usual, Lauren looks SO blasé. Like SO boring. That simple, boring, blue dress was just too boring and simple. Is that her idea of getting dolled up? I think I get more dressed up going to class during the week. LOL. Just saying. But honestly, Lauren's dress has to be one of the most boring and worst dresses I’ve seen in a bachelor finale - or has Chris would say - in Bachelor history. 

Like, she could wear this dress to flight attend! Lol. 

Then Jojo comes out of her room looking BANGING in a pale pink, sequin gown. And I gotta say, that pink dress could have very well looked like a bad prom dress, but Jojo ROCKED it. And she looked fab. 

Sorry, Lauren you honestly have no style. Ugh. 

And the 3 carat Neil Lane ring goes too...

MEHH. So, Ben gets rid of Jojo which we all figured, but she handles it faaaaairly well. Like, we’ve all seen worse. But we also know that Jojo deserves better. #TeamBachelorette.

Even in the midst of the break up, Jojo is still so legit when she says: “I wanna hate him but I was getting my heart broken and I didn’t want to see him cry.” WAHHH. Amaze. But, like you still deserve better.

SO OBV Ben picks Lauren and yada yada yada. Whatever, they’re prefect for each other. 

Like such a boring couple – YAY! 

AND ALSO Lauren and Ben's hair cant handle the heat – frizz city. But Jojo's hair ALWAYS looked great. So, by default - Jojo wins. 

When the hair game is strong. 

(But cute that Ben called Lauren’s dad though. Not gonna lie, I got a little emotional. It’s fine).

So after a loooong season of 'raining Ben,' all I have to say is if Ben and Lauren DON’T stay together…like NO. Like you don't get rid of Jojo to NOT stay with Lauren for the rest of your 

life. LOL. 

How much you wanna bet that this is the pic they use for engagement photos?

Jen and Ben are talking again?! 

Side note: Jojo looked BANGING AGAIN last night to confront Ben after being dumped on the "After the Final Rose" show. Like could you see Ben re-thinking things in his mind? 

But congrats to Jojo for being the new Bachelorette!! WHOOHOO! The girl deserves to find a REAL maucho, awesome man. GET IT GURL. I’ll be watching. 

Jojo...you are my person. 

Bachelor TELL ALL recap!

The Ladies TELL ALL! It's Your FAV Bach Recap ft crazy Olivia, crazy Lace, AND....the chicken lady... 

Welp, The Bachelor season as come and gone, and let's be real...you're pretty miz about it. Why? Because it's bye bye Benny and helloo to the next random Bachelotte. GOD FOR BID it's Calia though...no secret that I hate her. LOL.

ANYWAYS.  Let's NOT talk about Calia (for now) and discuss all the top moments from the da Bach Tell All! Even though, let's be frank...this episode of the bach tell all was kind of boring. I'm pretty sure the best part was the bloopers...Becca's to be exact.

If you don't recall, or if you didn't make it all the way to the bloopers because you were bored as fook, they showed a great scene where Becca was attempting to talk about Ben and instead of saying Ben's name she said OOPS "Chris." LOL. Then when she caught herself she was like: "That was last season!" LOLOL. HUGE OOPS. But I love it. Priceless. That what happens when you become part of the Bach family incest pool.

Whoops, BEN, I mean I love BEN. 

Another great blooper? ALL the bugs. LOL OMG! SOO many bugs = SO many screams! The best was the bee in the car with Kevin Hart and Ice Cube and Kevin yells "Damn racist bugs!" BAHAHAH. Amazing.

Ahhh yeeah, the bloopers were probably the #1 part of the whole show, but we can continue to talk about the rest of the tell all if we must.

So, here are some other "top" moments.

One of the Bach producers with his ladies. I mean, sure. 

2. When all the black girls fight. 
Yeah, so I LOVE how the TWO bi-racial black girls decided to gain up on Jubliee, the "whole black" girl. So, basically Amber and Jamie (who LITERALLY look exactly alike), were offended that Jubliee called herself whole black and they didn't appreicate that. This somehow made it easy for the rest of the girls to gain up on Jubliee, but I mean come on. That's just dumb. I mean, I'm sure Jubliee said some annoying things to people in the house because like she was little on edge but HELLO she's been in the military for like four years so she's aggressive and a tad crazy, and that's fine. Big deal. Bi-racial girls get over it. Lolz. Jubliee apologized to everyone and said she didn't intend to "stir the pot" but Jubliee - you STIR that pot.
  

3. When Lace looked sedated.
I mean, this doesn't even really need an explanation because Lace did 100% look sedated. Like when she stares into space...where does she go? WHO IS SHE?! And the that weird guy came on stage with the tatoo of Lace's face on his stomach?! WHAT WAS THAT?! She prob paid him to do that. So, odd. But Lace did reveal that she was going to be on Bachelor in Paradise so that will be entertaining to say the least. I hope she just gets really, really drunk again.

4. When Olivia took the "hot seat" and everyone let her have it. 
HA. HA. HA. Ha. Like, she's 100% crazy, I'm sorry. I think my favorite part was when Jennifer (aka the BEST contestant who should have never gone home) told Olivia, "I mean we all like to 'talk smart things too.'" LOL. Then someone else, I think the Russian girl, said that MAYBE if Olivia hadn't been such an introvert and got to know everyone, she wouldn't have had an issue with anyone. THAT and I mean...if you really ARE an introvert and can't get along with people then WHY go on the Bachelor?!

BRAVO JEN!! 

Then of course she tried to make us all feel bad and say that she just hasn't got along with girls because she was bullied in high school and it's like COME ON girl. First of all, you clearly have some kinda confidence if you're a a freakin TV anchor. Second of all, if you're gonna be the TV bitch just OWN it and don't give us a fake sob story. The Courtney Robertson's of the Bach world would be so disappointed in you.

I mean, SAME. 

Also SAME. 

If you hate Olivia, please staaaand UP!

5. When Calia took the "hot seat" and no one cared.
UGH. Calia. I can't with her. Her bubbly, always smiling demeanor is not only NOT real, it's creepy. Like, WHY are you always happy?! There's no way. Plus, girl got a little obsessive over Ben. I mean, her crying scene when she gets dumped LOL is like so aggressive. The whole time she's babbling about how she SO clearly saw her future with him, like she had def already named their kids. I can't believe she was SO blind-sided by it, but the sad thing was...we weren't. Lol. GUILTY as charged.

Ugh, Calia. STOP SMILING!!! MY EYES!!

But honestly, if she's the next Bachelorette...I won't watch. And that's saying something because the last season I didn't watch was Emily Maynard...and I don't think me not watching Emily is surprising to anyone who knows me.

ALSO I know Calia isn't exactly white, but if the Bachelor's idea of a non white bachelorette is STILL a basically half white girl...then we still have a LONG way to go. #BachelorSoWhite

6. When chicken girl sat with the CHICKEN the WHOLE time.

Need I say more...?

OH, there is ONE thing. The only time the chicken did freak out...in flew over to Lace and attacked her and that was pretty hilarious.

7. When Ben sat down in the "hot seat" and answered everyone's questions SO well and then tells Chris that he is like SOO in love and you were wishing that he was talking about YOU. LOL. Yeah...

At the end of the tell all, Chris Harrison tells Ben that he is really going to miss him, and honestly it looks like he was really serious. Like, I think Chris is suuuper MIZ to let Ben go. But like, aren't we all? Chris followed up his affects by saying: "Ben,  you are Mount Rushmore." AKA BACH HALL OF FAME.

AWWW!!! <3 <3

But, honestly he like reaally was one of the BEST Bachelor's of all time. I mean sure sometimes he was a little too soft, like I do need a little more EDGE to my man, but Ben is such a classy, all around guy. How can you say no to that? Ya can't. Plus, you KNOW Ben was the best because the guy reached A MILLION followers on instagram!! Like, guys don't DO that unless your like Harry Styles or Leo D, LOL.

1 mil followers? That's when you know. 

Ben...you could totes be a successful fashion blogger now! Or a model...

But on a sadder note, apparently Ben is engaged now and is like SOO happy with his choice that he could "marry her tomorrow."

WOAH Ben. So aggress. But don't worry, just one more week until we get to see the winner (Lauren B.) and then they can finally be in pubic together! Honestly I hope he does marry this girl (Lauren B.) because I would like to see another Bachelor wedding like Sean and Katherine's. Jade and Tanner's didn't count  annnd Kaitlyn and Ryan are taking too long...even though word on the street is they are still super happy.

Anyway, be sure to check out the blog next week for the recap of da FINALE! Woot woot!

And if you can tell, we're not huge fans of Lauren B...I mean she's incredibly plan and kinda boring, like we're DEF team Jojo...BUT Ben is 100% gonna choose Lauren, which is fine. Jojo has too much personality for him anyway. She needs a bolder man. Like, love you Ben you're a NUG, but Jojo needs a stronger guy...and so do we. LOL.

(But, I mean I'm so down for the fantasy suite with Ben tho...who isn't?)


ONE LAST THOUGHT...Ben's dad is perfect. Like, can he be the next Bachelor? LOL JK...kinda.

Oscars Worst Dressed!

Le WORST Dressed a la 2016 Oscars! Everyone's fav post is HERE!!

As much as we love to praise the best, everybody really loves to hate on the worst. So, without any further procrastination, let's do this! 

Amy Poehler in Andrew GN. 

Just as Tina's red carpet style was getting good, her other half had to come and rain on the comedic duo parade. WHAT IS THIS DRESS?! I actually don't hate the embroidery, but the sleeves are like massive, quarter-length bell sleeves that jet outward in some odd asymmetrical way. Also Amy's hairstyle is so confusing. Just one big curl hanging there with the rest of her hair pulled back?! No. Like this looks like someone made the dress out of an old couch and then attempted to do her hair after they realized there was nothing more they could do about the dress once it was on. Ugh. 

Kate Winslet in...a trash bag?Lol JK. 

UGHHH. I hate to do this more than ANYTHING in the world! Putting Kate on the worst dressed list is like putting Leo there with her. It's SO sad, but I cannot with this trash bag looking gown. And I really do love iridescent things, but like why is the iridescent white and shinny looking?! What frightens me more is that her stylist didn't even stop to look and say: "Um, NO because this looks like a trash bag." HOW?!  Also, trash bag aside, the dress doesn't even fit her silhouette! I'm pretty sure that the dress I made out of plastic in the 4th grade, my yellow plastic table cloth dress, was 100x more stylish than this. I mean, yeah it was.  Kate, WE LOVE YOU, and nobody wants to throw you away so don't sell yourself short in a trash bag. Literally would have rather seen you show up on the carpet with JUST the heart of the ocean necklace on....LOL. #TitanicForever

Kerry Washington in Versace...(I know, what?!) 

UGHHH. Another one I HATE to do this too. What is wrong with all of these stylists?! Turning good people into bad fashion faux pas'! I love the bottom of this dress, but the top, the top actually really does look like my yellow plastic dress from 4th grade. It actually looks like someone - aka a 4th grader - made this dress out of plastic and then glued the straps on and then added those two black lines on the skirt. I hate it. And like Kate's dress, the top part of the dress doesn't even fit her right!! It's lopsided! The white part of the dress is beautiful, but the top is confusing as hell. She def looked like a little gladiator though. LOL. One thing I will say though, awful dress aside, Kerry's face looked flawless. Luckily she made the best beauty trends list! 

Sophie Turner in Galvan. 

Welp, the GOT actress clearly decided with all this 90s nostalgia going on that she HAD to wear something that resembled a 90210 prom dress. BUT, the thing is - this isn't even 90s chic. Like, this isn't even Gwyneth Paltrow's 1999 pink Ralph Lauren gown chic, oh no. This is more like a bad 2000-2001 bridesmaids dress. Yup. Even with her bright, red hair, the whole look is just flat. The pale green is all wrong, the fit isn't that great, the slit does nothing, it's just miz. And I guarantee you that there is nothing worse than a miz early millennium evening gown. Woof. 

Whoopi in The Danes. 

So, Whoopi was just asking to be called Ursula from "The Little Mermaid" in this heavy, satin gown. And I mean I don't like the gown, but I respect that she wanted to wear a dress. What I don't respect is the massive adornment of octopus jewelry on her hand. Like, how did she not know that those gems were just ASKING, ASKING to be called the evil sea queen?! Also, her off-the-shoulder look revealed an enormous tat, which everyone was blowing up about. Had we seen this before? And if so - what IS it?! Slash WHY is it on her shoulder?! Ugh. So many questions. 

Reese in Oscar de la Renta. 

Now, Reese and Julianne have the same stylist and I LOVE her (Leslie Fremar), so I can honestly say that Reese ending up on the worst dressed list rarely happens because her looks or normally so on point. She and Julianne rarely ever look bad, BUT I hate this dress. Now, this isn't an "ugly" dress, but it's just out dated. Sure it's elegant, but it's boring and I'm not about the violet color on her either. To quote Chris Chrisley, LOL, this really does look like a "Nashville ballgown." It really would also be perfect for a Mardi Gras ball. 

Keltie Knight in Lucian Matis. 

When your origami takes over. HAHA wait JK, I take that back. The Insider's Keltie Knight decide to def go big or go home. Her dress looks like it could transform into a car annnnnny second. Talk about stealing the show. 

Dorith Mous in Dennis Diem. 

Okay, so I want to to really appreciate the intricate detail of the his dress, like I don't actually hate it, but it does look like something Anna Karenina wore to the Russian ball before she decided to have an affair with the hot guy. Seriously. It's just a little too much. Again not ugly, it's actually kind of beautiful in a dark, twisted way, but yeah, too much. It's like vampy side I imagine the early 19th century to have. LOL. 

Liz Hernandez in Michael Costello. 

Access Hollywood host, Liz Hernandez, decided that it was a good idea to wear a dress with the peplum on the side of her body as opposed to around the hips were NORMAL peplums go. I literally can't. It's like if you remove the peplum thingy, you have a nice sophisticated black dress. Probs more appropriate for the Grammys, but still better than what you see now. This extra accent just makes the dress all wrong. Like awful. Like can she put her arm all the way down?! It's debatable. 

Sandy Powell in something I'm pretty sure she designed. 

UGH. Again, I HATE to do this. Now, I love Sandy Powell. The girl has already won TWO Oscars for Costume Design, she's a boss and Cate Blancette is her muse. She was nominated for BOTH "Carol" and "Cinderella" this year and lost to ugh, "Mad Max." Like remember when the show was legit an HOUR of "Mad Max" shit?! Like WHO IS YOU "Mad Max?!" Anyway. Clearly, I'm over it. But what I am trying to say is Powell is a costume genius and she normally rocks carpets in something  funky and cool, but this is a little too funky and like not cool for me. Oops. Love you Sandy!