Ahhh It's Your Favorite Time Of Year... Here Is Our EPIC Recap OF Last Night's "Bachelor: Women Tell All..." Can We Give Britt A Rose For Crying The Most?
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Don't worry, this was before they all started crying...
So, let's get right to it sha'll we? The show comes on and Chris Harrison speaks and does some weird intro with Chris and crazy Iowa Bachelor fans, but no one cares about that. We just wanna hear da ladies!!! INTROS plzzzzz! The lady intros begin and it's like the first five people that they introduce you don't even know who those people are, like you're confused as to if they were even on the show or not...but then you remember that ONE girl, you know, the one that got voted off on the first episode for being too drunk, yep, her.
The audience continues to clap for each person, but when they came around to Kelsey she STRAIGHT UP got like NO claps, it was like the crowd went silent...it was so awk. Then it happened again when the introduced Ashley, but the 21 year old Ashley...you know the one with the kid who likes aliens? Yeah, no claps for her either and I don't think she said a word the whole show....and if she did, I don't remember...do you? No - you don't.
Anyways, HERE we go- and to be clear...all of this crying, fighting, and mizness taking place on this show is over...IOWA. Just making sure we're all on the same page here. Iowa. Okay.
BRITT vs. CARLY vs. Kaitlyn's Death Stare
Hmm. #TeamCarly or #TeamBritt? Britt started crying as soon as they started reviewing the "drama" from this season because of all the things that Carly said about her. So, obv Britt got put in the hot seat and cried even more and she tried to defend herself.Jillian defended Britt, but I mean Jillian I am sorry, you are a man so....LOL AND, she was also like the ONLY person to defend Britt. Even though Britt is like spatting at Carly for disowning her and the fight was very much about Carly hating Britt, Jade, Kaitlyn, and Ashley also all kinda hate Britt too.
I mean Kaitlyn was litttteraaally giving Britt SUCH death stares. It was kinda amazing actually...
#BitchPlease
But at the same time, really, what I wanna know is, Britt - WHY DO YOU CARE SO MUCH ABOUT WHAT THE CRUISE SHIP SINGER THINKS OF YOU ANYWAY?!!! Sorry...that's a legit question tho...
KELSEY (or the crazy murderous who loves to share the "tragic," yet "amazing" story of her husband's death while having "panic" attacks on national television...) vs. The House
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Sorry, guys, Sanderson IS real. But does explain her behavior? Nope.
Obviously Kels started out her interview...sobbing. And I was just thinking, if she mentions one thing about her dead husband, and BOOM, she SAID IT. She started out by saying that she feels like she is "grieving all over again." Like OH...
Then Ashley I. was disgusted when Kelsey blew her nose in Chris Harrion's tissue LOL...
And Kaitlyn again, was NOT amused...(her scowl is like, kinda hot...next bachelorette? lolz)
Kelsey said that all she was trying to do on the show was umm "honor her story," which to me is the RED FLAG right there...WHY are you trying to take pride in the death of your husband? It's not something you get a medal for. People lose there loved ones everyday and they don't feel pride about it...
Then Megan, who may be a little on the slow side, okay that's being nice, she's pretty dumb, I mean she thought New Mexico was a different country lol, BUT the girl was smart last night and she asked the question we were ALL asking ourselves: If Kelsey was/is still grieving...then WHY did she put herself on the show to begin with...like WHY Kelsey?!
Ashley I. had a lot of fun with it though...she went to town ON Kels. But, Jillian and Britt did jump in to defend Kelsey, hmm Britt and Jillian were super friendly last night...new couple alert? LOLzzz. We haven't truly made any progress in society until there is a same sex Bachelor/Bachelorette...OH and a Bachelor with either a leading black woman or man...ABC making a big deal out of Andi Dorfman being the first Jewish Bachelorette likeee was redic to begin with because it shouldn't have been such an out of the box concept in the first place (LOOVE her....Josh wasn't even good enough), just shows the small steps ABC/ network television is taking HA.
Kelsey finally finished by asking for everyone's forgiveness annnnd I don't know if she got it...
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Kelsey: "The only thing I would like to ask of all of you is your forgiveness.”
Everyone:
"UM, no."
ASHLEY S.
Valid.
LOLOLOLOLOL. I mean...I just don't even know.
First of all, I had no idea she was 24...like that could be ME on reality TV right now...hahahahaha. But, she looked SO great on the Tell All last night, like she kinda looked like a beauty queen, but in a good way, not like in a tacky "Little Miss Sunshine" way...I was confused.
I still don't even know if she was like acting like this crazy bitch for TV (but prob), or if she's really like that, but she's freaking hilarrrious. She should def have her own show. Not gonna lie, I'd watch it. But Chris Harrison did formerly ask her to be on the I guess new season of "Bachelors in Paradise," and she didn't give a real answer....which means she's prob gonna be on it. I honestly didn't even know that little Bach spin off still came on, but I bet you 100% Britt is on it...just wait for it.
If anyone did the Bachelor right, it was Ashley S.
JADE
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Not your average fashion photo shoot...if ya know what I mean, but hey coulda fooled me.
I think Jade is darling. Playboy or not, I think she's a gem...or at least she seemed like a gem. I thought her and Chris were a good match, you know with the whole Nebraska...middle of no where, corn stalk backgrounds thing. Yeah, I thought they'd be a good team and at least the idea of Iowa didn't scare her as much as the others...well JK (not Simmons), it DEF did kinda scared her when she realized the town LIT took 2 minutes to drive through...like legit, 2 minutes. TWO MINUTES people. We're taking as long as it takes you to listen to ONE song, or a commercial break - JK not EVEN a commercial break cause commercial breaks are like a minute and thirty seconds LOL.
But anyway, Jade is like the only one IF I HAD to pick one...that I kinda feel for. Or maybe Kaitlyn...ugh, the fact that I care at all is an evern bigger issue. HA.
KAITLYN
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I mean, shes my American Apparel fun loving diva (like she was literally never not in an AA crop) - her American Apparel two- piece set last night was PERF (not causeee I have the same one lolzz and I wear the hell out of it), but she looked banging. I feel bad that's she's all MIZ over Chris, but, she is like 100% times than Iowa...like her personality could NOT fit in Chris's whole town, like her energy is BIGGER than Arlington, lol. Chris did ask Kait if she could actually, like actually see herself moving to Arlington with Chris and she said yes, but likeeee, easier said than done my friend. Let's be real.
In the long run, I think she's better off. She's miz now, but I think she ultimately wins. You get 'em Kait.
CHRIS El Bacheeeelorrrr
THIS JUST IN...As SOON as Chris came out...Britt.Started.Crying. AGAIN. OH MY GOD. She was also SO stupid to think that Chris ended things with her JUST because of Carly...LIKE NO BRITT. Jesus. I feel like Chris just became super overwhelmed with Britt, I mean I know I was. I could NOT.
Yeah, he's def over it.
Anyway, so Chris talked to Britt and I think we were all just about as over that as he was with her...lol then he moved on to make apologies to Kaitlyn and it seemed like Chris like really, really, felt for Kait. I mean, at least he gave her a better answer about his final decisions than he gave to Britt back in the day when he tried to explain that girls weren't getting ahead by being more sexual...but like he couldn't really explain it...because it likeee prob wasn't true and then it just came out as a bunch of gibberish that had to be literally tranalated on a chalk board on Jimmy Kimmel Live... Yeah.
OH don't remember? Lemme refresh your memory...
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LOLOL. Watch the FULL video HERE!
Then, Chris moved on to Jade. X-rated Jade. Jade obv brought up the whole Playboy
thing which like ugh. So, I don't care that she posed for playboy at all
buuuut like the WHOLE situation on the show was SO awkward like they SO didn't have
to look at her PB photos together on national TV...likeee no. It had me
thinking if it was a little probe for Jade, or by the producers for
scandalous drama...I mean idk. Is looking at nude photos of yourself
with your new boyfriend how you would take things to the next level? Hmmm...I'll let you think about it for a bit.
Welp, that pretty much rounds up the Bachelor Tell All - and no, I'm not going to saw A WORD about Chris Harrison's new book...not a word.
Next Monday night is the biiig finale, and we're all 100% sure that Chris...is gonna choose...Whitney...LOL JK, I don't know, but if he does choose Becca, then I mean I think we can all predict that there's gonna be a wedding pretty soon after...if you know what I mean, lolz. Isn't Becca one hot virgin tho.? And if Whitney DOES win, then I wouldn't be surprised if ABC makes Becca the new Bachelorette and plugs the shit of out Becca being "the first VIRGIN" Bachelorette. Oh, yeah, money. Also, it SUCKS for Whitney and Becca that the finale is likeee in Iowa and not on some fantasic Island somewhere...it's like they're miz Iowa life starts NOW. Hahaha, oooooh JK it won't be that miz cause they'll be with Chris, aww.
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I like to call this match up: makin babies everyday vs. well, not making babiest
until she's married...
But, I can confidently say, just for myself, the hottest man in the WORLD couldn't make me move to Iowa...
2 MINUTES people, two minutes. Like as long as it SHOULD take you to brush your teeth...THAT's how big Arlington, Iowa is. Like, no. Just, no.
