Miz Factor Men Tell All Recap

Miz Factor Men Tell All Recap: Marquel's Cookie, JJ Causing Dramz, Marcus In Paradise, And Chris is DEF The New Bach...

So, last night was the moment that we have all been waiting for...and NO I do NOT mean the Bachelorette Final (because SPOILER, but not really, we all know who she picks and if you DON'T know...question whether or not she'd actually choose stalker Nick...just sayinn), I OBV mean The Men Tell All. Ah, yes. The Tell Alls are always, the most fun. There's always awk drama, awk confessions, and it's normally just overall AWK. So let's revisit what happened last night sha'll we? YUP. We sha'll.

Just to be clear, I am not going to really make to many comments about Ashley and JP's little surprise ultra sound...I mean cause like do I really need to say anything at all? Like, great they're still in love and happy, but they 100% def already knew they were having a boy, so whatever. They made bank for that. Good for them.

NOW...A word about Bachelor In Paradise...

So, like I guess spoiler round 2, but I mean, Chris is def the bachelor since Marcus and MARQUEL are on bachelor in paradise...and Cody, and Dylan, apparently. Yeah, that should be fun.  It's like easy to recognize all the guys from douche bag creepy Chris to that crazy asshole Ben character, but besides the one arm girl Sara...like Who ARE the girls?! OH and Clare...LOL Clare. SHE'S BACK. You hate her, but you shadily LOVE that she's back. Cause she's just gonna cause all sorts of drama let's be real. This is television gold.

And NOW...those 25 Men...

Can I just say: Scarf CITAYY. Like okay, that was kinda funny, but like kinda miz because there were just like SO many awk scarves this season. Like, I'm still NOT over Josh's baby Burberry scarf that he wrapped around his meat head neck...so awk. Also, there were so many bright pants and like suit jackets. I mean, sure, I don't hate that.

People who be looking hot: JJ, Chris (farmer Chris obv, not Chris Harrison) Dylan (he cut his hair), that guy Carl...the fire fighter...he had a sick bod, and of course, the lovely cookie monster Marquel. WHAT A GEM. Like, if there were to EVER be a black Bachelor (#diversity), then it should be Marquel.

MARQUEL is literally best! Great guy,  always smiling, cookie me plzzz, like why IS he SINGLE?! And Marcus, and Chris...and well, most of those guys. WHY are you single?! We don't get it. 

Anyway so the awk thing with Marquel this season was the supposed bachelor racist comment about Andi giving the rose to the "blackies" aka Marquel and Ron (who is half black, but I mean sure). Classic Bachelor racism. SO, do we know what really happened? NO. Will we ever know? NO. Was this probably made for TV? Ehh, YES. But, still, why is JJ causing all this drama tho?!! Like he was def being such a gossip...but I like his pantsapaneur swag (is that how you spell it? Whatever, it's not REAL). I've always been a fan of the trendy nerd #SethCohen for life. 

So on to MARCUS...who is only 25!!! Like WHAT? Okay, he seems and is super mature for his age, but 25?! AH. You were in college like 2 years ago! He doesn't need to be married, but he's like so hot and so successful for 25, Jesus. Marcus, enjoy your damn life dude love will come...if not in paradise HA, then later on...and that girl will be a lucky one.

CHRIS, aww. Nugget. Heart broken IOWA Chris.  SOO like I totally forgot about the prop plane that he had for Andi at his hometown...also Chris did by far have the best family, like she was stupid not to pick him, but then again the whole Iowa thing...#yikes. But, if anything the way he said bye to her should make her wanna take him back...cause again Nick is crazy and Josh is...ugh.

BUT LIKE WHAT HAPPENED WITH THAT GIRL IN THE AUDIENCE AND CHRIS...like it def seemed super staged and everyone was SO awk like Chris basically wanted to die of laughter as did MARQUEL and JJ...like wtf? Like who was that girl? How much did she get paid?! I was just so confused...And the whole speed dating thing was painfully awk to hear and watch, I just COULD NOT. Like why did that happen?? Slash, if you could do that, why didn't anyone stand up for Marcus?! I seriously thought that's how they were gonna announce that Chris was the Bachelor, but I was def wrong. Like, was it to kil time?! I just don't. get. it.

So, finally Andi comes out. She looks great, I loved all the sequins and shiz. She's hot, whatevs. But, I felt like the segment with her was SUPER short, like she answered everyone's questions so easily and directly (kinda like they were all scripted hmm), and there was really zero drama with her...EXCEPT...the lie detector results LOL.

Side note: Did anyone else cringe when Chris (Harrison) said daddy as he whipped out the envelope?! NO THANKS.

SO the Lying Game, hmm. Okay well OBV Brian, Chris, and JJ didn't lie...like they're all gems. Even tho people were talking smack about JJ's gossiping, looks like he isn't a liar after all. Dylan, LOL, of course Dylan lied. But then we discover he lied throughout the whole test which is hilarious. The ONE time he told the truth was about the not washing his hands HAHA again, TV GOLD.

So who else lied? Welp, none other than Josh. Of course he freakin lied like Josh never seemed like the guy with a heart of gold. And she's all like, she doesn't want to know what Josh lied about when Chris Harris is all like: "well if there were one of my final two, I'd wanna know" because it apparently had something to do with relationships? GASP.  Like Andi is so confusing because she has clearly had reservations about Josh the WHOLE time yet, he's still around and he DEF wins. Sorry, Nick.

ehhhh awk sauce...Josh SO doesn't lie, I LOVE him...#baseball

MY THEORY: Fantasy suite syndrome - Andi def just had great sex with josh in the fantasy suite and was like yeah...I'll keep him BUT well see how long that last...Josh is just a tad shady slash an athlete douche BUTTT, while I feel like when he talks he sounds like he's about to pitch a baseball, I think they would have super attractive kids...it's the whole tan dark hair thang...so whatever.

Meant 4 each otha 

So, The Men Tell ended...the best thing about the show was probably Marquel giving out black and white cookies to audience...but, WHAT WAS THE ENDING WITH THAT LETTER?!

Like SO SHADY. Andi did not looked too pleased. Well, if you're a celebrity obsessed, pop culture freak like me, and you read US Weekly every week, then you know what THAT article said about Andi and Nick and Josh...basically US Weekly also kinda gave the ending away, because they talk about how Andi is happy with her final choice, but the guy she says bye to (aka Nick), is NOT happy, and is in shock and basically proceeds to stalk her and send her letters and say that they are meant to be, yada-yada. Sounds like classic Nick to me. OH, so basically, that's what I think that letter means...

If I am TOTALLY wrong about Andi picking Josh, then like I'll never watch the Bach again (however this does not include Bachelor in Paradise...#smirkemoji)